A Tribute To Dr. Seuss Cabinet Hardware Style

Come hear this story of a battle so old
The start's been forgotten, the end never told
No feud was so fearsome, just how would they fare?
T'was known as the Clash of Cabinet Hardware

There was, so they say, an ongoing battle Plates, cups and bowls were in constant rattle It would frighten the house from ceiling to floor It would shake up the cutlery, dishes and more Kerfuffles were called those cabinet pulls And screeched bloody murder like seafaring gulls They battled so fiercely 'gainst cabinet knobs Who were pointedly known as the wild Kerbobs

Curved Pull

Never before did you hear such commotion
Each knew he was right with utter devotion
And at night you could hear them, clear as a bell
At night you could hear them, but no soul would tell

Listen! The soft but determined, so subtle sob Of a kitten-shaped, pewter cabinet knob And there's nothing so sharp, nothing so full As the slight of a polished stainless steel pull Each one claimed to be the better cabinet hardware On for years and years this feud continues to flair Until one day...

Kitty Knob

Meet Mr. and Mrs. Donald Sinclair
You've never met such a wonderful pair
Their smiles so gentle, their features so fair
Such genuine Niceness permeated the air

The Sinclairs were growing, by numbers you see
And Mrs. elated, this birth would make three
Plus the dog and the cat, and tri-colored birdie
The Sinclairs loved their pets as part of the fam'ly

So they bought a new house with a white picket fence
Bright painted shutters, a garden and hence
They moved in with haste, their lives to commence
Not knowing they'd need a true line of defense

All was delightful in that little house
There was even a hole for their favorite pet mouse
So Mrs. Sinclair, with vigor and vim
Rolled up her sleeves and was about to dig in

When a voice came of sudden, from whence she knew not
At the same time it seemed to come from one spot
And everywhere too, though that could be not

''A word we must have, before you unpack
To settle a spat and state fact as fact
Us Kerbobs know it's true
And soon you will too
Once you've used knobs, you'll never go back

A cabinet knob it really is true
For whimsical fancy, is the best you can do
Variety's endless in this cabinet hardware
We'll find voice for your vision, dear Mrs. Sinclair.''

''Not so fast'' cried a voice from behind the strange pair She craned her neck back, though not quite sure where Standing before her in 3'' glory Were the cabinet pulls, ''This is also our story You see us Kerfuffles are better than most At lending a hand and guarding our post We are loyal and sturdy and won't shirk our calling Regal and stately, while they're just appalling.''

Curved Pull

Mrs. Sinclair, with mouth opened wide
Listened with interest to everyone's side
Both did much talking, glad to confide
Their hardware chests swelling with unbridled pride

The wise lady sat, and thought for awhile
At last Mrs. Sinclair stood up with a smile

''Oh my little Kerfuffles and darling Kerbobs
You're so busy fighting, you've forgotten your jobs
Your role's to be helpful, both pulls and knobs
Not hang there and bicker like useless kebabs

''You both are fantastic, and that's really true
Can't you see there are uses for the both of you?

When I think that a long slender grip would be useful
I'll call a friendly Kerfuffle for a cabinet pull

But worry not darling clan called Kerbob There are still other times I'll want a cabinet knob From novelty shapes to whimsy decor The Kerbobs have just what I'm looking for'' ''Oh Lovely Sinclair, you are right of course And how sililly long we've been beating this horse Both us Kerbobs and Kerfuffles remorse That we tried to rule home with struggle and force

Ceramic Knob

Thanks for showing what loyal cabinet hardware should be
Now that you've explained it, we can see things clearly
And we Kerbobs and Kerfuffles aim to completely
Service these cabinets together, the best will be WE''

So Mrs. Sinclair had solved the long fight
Between Kerbobs and Kerfuffles, a momentous night

So if ever you should hear the rattle and bang
Of mysterious no ones, that incessant clang
You just might have some Kerfuffles about
With Kerbobs close behind them, with a hoot and a shout

Just sit them all down, despite cries and cringes
And settle their feud before it impinges
Bring peace and order to your home and theirs
Show them the truth from someone who cares

That life can be happy and fash'nable too
Cabinet hardware is there to decor you

Now if we could just fix those Tantanywinges
And their darn squeaking friends the cabinet hinges...